I missed a period

expansion joy Feb 10, 2019

I missed a period in a newsletter I sent out today. Ouch. I did not like the way that unfinished sentence looked, and how it ran into the next one.

The cool thing is that, in the past, I would have also not liked the way it looked to others, I would have viewed it as a reflection of me and who I am, and today, it was the aesthetics that got my attention.

In the past, I would have viewed the missed period as a ghastly mistake, and a part of me would have linked it to my worthiness... worthiness to be liked and loved.

What I am aware of now, though, is that a past tendency to be “perfect” for the sake of obtaining approval has given way to a genuine appreciation of impeccability, for its own sake. The way I used the word perfect in the past was in the realm of judgment, of goodness / badness — I was either good or bad as could be viewed by how “perfect” I was in performing or executing a task.

Now, I ENJOY impeccability. To me, the word impeccable implies a commitment to excellence, and that energizes me. I don’t know if I ever enjoyed aiming to be “perfect”. That felt like a “striving” and came with tension and anxiety. Impeccability feels fun, like an invitation... it feels luscious and beautiful.

So what does the missed period say about me, from the vantage point of one who enjoys excellence for its own sake? Nothing.

Through the eyes of a perfectionist, though, the missed period is made to mean something, it is cause for judgment. Through the eyes of one who enjoys excellence, there is no self-identification wrapped up in the experience, it is merely an experience which births opportunity, a chance to deepen in the expression of impeccability.

Semantics aside, my take-away from this experience is an awareness that an area of self-judgement and misbelief is resolving, i.e., “I am bad and unworthy” is giving way to, “I am having fun and enjoying the opportunity to express impeccability.”

What particular tendency might you be using as an excuse to judge yourself?

In order to go on living one must try to escape the death involved in perfectionism.
—Hannah Arendt

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