Recently, I noticed that I no longer have a fantasy associated with winning the lottery. Often, in the past, when I saw a billboard displaying the jackpot, an automatic assessment would run: is this the one? is it time to buy a ticket? And, once every year or so, I would buy a ticket, complete with accompanying fantasy about how this money would change our (my family’s) lives.
I no longer have that fantasy. Seemingly out of nowhere, the fantasy dissolved. I saw a sign advertising the lottery last week and noticed that the usual assessment did not occur. There was nothing; simply the experience of neutrality.
“What happened?” I wondered. Where was that fantasy? I noted that my perspective had shifted and I no longer saw a bucket load of money as having the capacity, or power is perhaps a better word, to erase any and all challenges and issues. It seemed that a subconscious belief, betrayed by the fantasy, had finally caught up to an intellectual belief that money is neutral.
It has long been my intention to lift out of victim-based patterns of thinking. The truth is, we are free thinkers. We are creators. In spite of this knowing, I sometimes forget. I sometimes fall into the trap of believing that there is something outside of me—squillions of dollars, for example—that will deepen my experience of happiness.
I pray regularly for higher consciousness to lead me, to lift me from unsupportive thought patterns, to assist me in releasing limiting beliefs... to remind me that I AM what I seek.
Intention and prayer. Intention and prayer. Intention and prayer. I sooo want to say that these are the little engines that can. In my experience, however, they are more like rudders and wheel grease.
The engine? That would be Grace. For as much as I intend and pray, without the benevolent offering of a higher consciousness, my wheels would spin in place.
Grace does the heavy lifting. Grace “makes it happen.”
I no longer berate myself for “still” having negative thought patterns, for getting caught in the illusion of victimhood, for not evolving faster. Experiences like this, in which Grace quietly closed the gap between where I was and where I wanted to go, remind me that my job is not the heavy lifting. I can relax and enjoy the ride.
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