I said something to my husband and immediately recognized it as sounding pompous. There was a time that I would have chewed on that for a long while. I would have turned it over in my mind, wondering why I said such a thing. Self-judgment would have set in. I would have wondered what he thought of me. A virtual rat's nest of thought would have been created in my mind, because it is not my intention to sound pompous and so why did I say that, gosh darn it?!
I have come to see, however, that what comes out of my mouth can’t be helped—in that moment. Just like a car crash can’t be avoided, at the instant it is happening. Once something happens, it happened. It was the manifestation of the conditions present.
Life is about the unfolding of sets of conditions, potentialities bursting into “happenings.” I am learning to simply experience the happenings without identifying with or as the happenings.
We are not the things we are thinking about.
If I have the capacity to observe my actions, thoughts and feelings, then that must mean I am not those things. A thing cannot observe itself. (Can an eyeball see itself?)
I am not the thing that happened with my husband. Words came out of my mouth, but I am not those words. A choice (albeit unconscious) was made to utter those words, but I am not that choice. Feelings of regret came up, a wish that those words weren’t spoken, but I am not those feelings.
I get to experience all of those things without being those things. I do not have to identify as those things. Who and what I am is still fully, 100% in tact, no more and no less than as I was created, in Holy Perfection.
There is what happens and there is what we think about what happens.
There is what we do and what we think about what we do.
I have found that a key to peace and equanimity is remembering that a thing is just a thing until I place meaning upon it... and that doing so is optional.
"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
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