I realized that I was using my son.
I was using him to feel good about myself.
As he became a teenager, a feeling crept in. I ignored it until I could no longer. What was this feeling?
In a word, grief. I was grieving the loss of my little boy. Where did he go, that bundle of sunshine that lit me up with a level of loving energy so huge that it could hardly be contained in his little body?
Over the years, when I returned home after being out of town, my son would often greet me with an...
I asked my son to “tell me about class today,” and he immediately discerned that his teacher must have called me.
“What did she say?”
“Just tell me about class,” I responded.
“What did she say?” he repeated.
“I just want you to tell me about class.”
“Tell me what she said, first.”
“I’m asking YOU to tell me about class,” I reasserted.
And on we went, in this circular pattern, each of us...
While I was skiing this week, I experienced a hint of thought pattern transformation, from judgment to enjoyment.
As I tentatively made my way down a hill, hearing the oh-so-familiar thought pattern running through my mind, “I’m not a good skier. I wonder what my family and others are thinking about me as they watch me. I hope they’re not watching. I’ll never be a good skier. It’s not my thing...”, a new thought popped in: maybe I am holding myself back...
Parent to Child: You’re eight years old, you do what I tell you to do.
Parent: What would you like to eat?
Child: I’m not hungry.
Parent: Well, you’re going to be in an hour.
Parent to Child: Stop touching everything. You’re touching everything and then touching your face. That’s how you get sick. Stop touching things.
Parent to Child, after child drops glass: I am upset with you. I am upset with you!
In this moment, I see so clearly the basis of real creation…
For example, my belly feels big, it is bumping up against my pants, and I judge it. Focusing on the belly, in this case through thoughts of judgment, brings me more belly (which is not what I want!), because creation comes from our attention.
Focusing on the FEELING I want brings conditions and experiences that are on the frequency of that feeling.
Because that is how creation works: imagine it, and it is there.
There is no...
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